About a year and a half ago I was given a marvelous blessing. Peace and understanding. I was taught that the depression I was going through was being used by Lucifer to draw me away from the light of the Savior. I was taught to pray and pray always. To rely on the Lord, that He knows and loves me.

In the last few months I let this blessing slide away from me. When I started Pathway I was so excited to be studying the Book of Mormon. I felt the spirit and was taught so much. Now I have felt like I am just going through the motions. I read the scriptures and understand them but have not had the excitement and joy I did before. Once again I was trying to figure out what was going on by myself.

I sat down to get the assignments done for class and the first thing I did was Digging Deeper. The Lord is so amazing. Every talk and video was chosen for me. To teach me once again that I need the Savior. The talks by the apostles touched my heart and started the process. My spirit was softened and I was ready to hear the messages. Elder Holland's testimony of the Book of Mormon was powerful. It reaffirmed my testimony of the truthfulness of this amazing work of scripture. Then I watched the videos of Mountains to Climb and the Power of Prayer. Mountains to Climb was me. Struggling with sadness and not feeling spiritual at all.  It helped me see that I was not turning to the Lord. It brought me to my knees and to once again know that my Savior lives and forgives.

 I truly do know the power of prayer. I have felt it change my life and once again it has helped me to overcome feelings of frustration and incompetence. When you seek earnestly to align your will with the Father's the blessings come. And the hardships, as Lucifer will work harder to pull you away. It is amazing how cunning he is. How he does know our weaknesses and will use them to pull us down. Everyone needs the power of prayer to live in the world we live in. I kept forgetting that but now I know that I cannot, will not, let praying to my Father become something that is a trivial and can be put aside until a better time.

I am so very grateful for my Savior. For the love He has for me. That even when I am far from Him He reaches out and blesses me and teaches me.

I bear this testimony. God lives. His Only Begotten Son lives. They love us. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true. The Book of Mormon is true and only by abiding by it's teachings can we return once again to our Heavenly Father.
I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I would love to be able to say that I have learned so much from the scriptures and gained insight into how to become a better disciple this week. I can't. What I  have learned is to be careful what you wish for.
For years I have wanted to serve on a jury. This past week I got my wish. I now wish I  had used any excuse to get out of it.
I was put on a jury to decide if a man who had been convicted of violent sexual behavior had a behavior abnormality. I listened to two days of expert testimony of the two acts this man committed over 25 years ago and if he understood what he did and would not repeat it. It was not a pleasant experience. It had to be an unanimous verdict.
After the trial where we decided that yes he did have a behavior abnormality, we found out he was due to be released and would now go to a residential treatment facility.
I know that a lot of people would say that I missed a chance to read the scriptures and deal with it in a way that I would be able to gain spiritual support. I am sorry all I wanted to do was come home hug my husband and not think about anything.
So I apologize that I don't have any great insights to share.